Club Penguin Fan Universe:Newspaper/1
The Antarctic Times (Wiki Edition) May 2009, Week 5---------------------Comes out every Saturday---------------------------------------------------------------------50 Pebbles per Issue Stories could only be accepted here. Only the publishers could write their own story without permission (they have to ask themselves). If you would like to be one, go here. =Section A: PRIME= 'Club Penguin AirFlights being purchased by Bill Gates?' Rumors stating that the flag carrier of the United States of Antarctica, Club Penguin AirFlights, may be purchased by Bill Gates for a million pebbles. It was a buzz around South Pole City on May 24 as rumors about Club Penguin AirFlights will be purchased by the evil wealthy buissnessman, Bill Gates. By Libya Holmes Club Penguin AirFlights is USA's flag carrier, serving to almost every destination here in Antarctica. It's economy buzzed up since 1970 and had purchased few airlines. Despite the name, it is headquarted in South Pole City and has won numerous awards. "I don't believe that such a rumor will spread. We have no contact with Bill Gates; he works in computers and I work in aviation. We are many miles apart" retorted the chairman of the developed airline. "I demand that this rumor should stop imediately!". It was true that Bill Gates did plan on buying a company, but as many companies in Antarctica scramble for money after the outbreak, Bill Gates may have cancelled his purchase. If he continues, it is most likely that Absurd Donuts or Fishburger Helper could be bought. Club Penguin AirFlights just recovered from it's financial problems, and stopped the service of several Snowings and MDS. It's rival. Air Antarctic, stopped several Airhails. When Bill Gates was interviewed, he steadily left the room and shouted back "You fools! Your stupid tactics can't get my buissness secrets! Steve Jobs! GET LOST!". ZapWire, when questioned if the rumor was true, replied "That annoying idiot, he buys and buys and buys whilst Linus keeps quiet and does not buy and buy like the fat Bill Gates." Other Penguin OS fanatics replied statements similar to what Zapwire told us. Anyway, Club Penguin AirFlights is underway a phasing out scheme of few planes to MAIAir and Aer Frysland. Tensions By James Kwiksilver Tensions are growing in the Eastshield Hope Hospital that there may be an outbreak of Screenhog Cold. The hospital has fears it may not be able to contain the cold for the absence of bananas, a natural cure for the cold. One doctor said: "We're worried that the health supplies are insufficient. Bananas have been out of stock for weeks!" The Antarctica Times traveled to Fruit Island. We asked an official about the absence of bananas. Here's what he had to say: "Well, it's not our fault! How can we tell the trees to produce more fruit? We can't, so you'll just have to live with it." We then asked the community. "Screenhog Cold?" said Explorer, "That sounds a little like Swine Flu!" "Doesn't matter to me," said Bill Gates, "I can't sell the flu, can I?" "PHREAK! GET THAT MICROPHONE AWAY FROM ME!" No prizes for guessing who. "There's a shortage of bananas?" said Bugzy, "Sorry Kwik, I gotta go smuggle some stuff." There have also been reports of bananas on the black market. The Antarctica Times is pleading citizens to donate their bananas to the Eastshield Hope Hospital. New Competition By Eve Lendfell The Iceton Hotel, the most popular, expensive, and luxurious hotel on beautiful Clearwater Island, will soon be getting some new competition from the AquaLei hotel! With seventeen floors, two dining and conference rooms, and 300 rooms, including the Penthouse suite, which includes 12 rooms, and a jacuzzi! Along with two pools, this hotel will soon be the most luxurious hotel in all of Clearwater Island! For only 1,000,000 pebbles a night. ---- =Section B: Club Penguin= Humans on the road! The latest story, War Against Humans, had only released it's thetarical 1st part, and previewed to public at the Lighthouse. Penguins were all enthusiastic about the new action-packed book Happyface is writing. When Happyface was interviewed, he said "I DO NOT hope this book will tell penguins that humans are nessecarily bad, I just wanna have an action-packed storybook which will one day hit the records! So far, A Thanksgiving Carol and Great Darktonian Pie War became famous and reached 2/3 of all the CP citizens there is. Upcoming books did not sold as much as these two, only this book could. However, on the other hand, humans complained much about the epic story. "This is proposterusly RUDE! exclaimed Huma and Stamm. Doctor Hickory Dickory Dock told them "I think this book needs a time-out". Bill Gates told the press "Not so intrested; only if I could sell it under MY name!". Hannah Montana gave no comment. =Section C: Antarctica= * The Czar of Gourdzoid has just rejected Koobly Khan's pleas to not rule West Pengolia for the seventeenth time in a row. * E. Pengolia's population is growing, their economy is booming! Every shoe and hooded sweatshirt sold in Penguin Style is made there now! Bolsheevic's popular opinion polls are through the roof! Native Khanz Penguins haven't been this happy since the era of Khanzem when theirold hero ruled. * The Council of Five of Freezeland have rejected the USA's passport laws. However, the South Pole Council overruled them. They eventually came to a compromise. This now means all USA penguins need a passport to visit Freezeland, though Freezelandian penguins in the USA do not need a passport to get back into their own country. *MAI Representive Elections were halted for a week, for no reason. Penguins thought that they halted either to mess up the votes or caculate them correctly. *Auzua Mostafique has new restrictions on several schools in Bezul. The schools are not allowed to use a whiteboard, the reason being that the smell from the whiteboard markers reek and parents complained. To the ones living in the countryside, no complaints have been received. *Warmslates and MAI agree on a multimedia project: Project Luvlake. This project will take place in the west islands and is about building an urban city there, which will improve the conditions there. So far, the design has not been done yet. *Weddell delegate Kwiksilver is debating about a bridge across Weddell in the South Pole Council. It is unlikely it will be approved. =Section D: Stock & Finance= *Mershins-Kazooy Inc. topped this week's charts in investments. *McDoodles lost 2 million pebbles on Friday. How to Avoid a Scam *Don't become a victim of Hacker's Identity Theft. **Here's what you need to do to be safe! ***Never tell your IP Address. Shapeshifters can use that to look and talk like you. ***Never install a computer program that looks suspicious. It may be a stealing item that takes your money and such. ***Always keep your birth certificate in a per form, never scan it. ***If you see any suspected shapeshifters, contact your local EPF branch and inform them. =Section E: Arts and Sports= * Hannah Montana has just released a new single, The Hike. Thousands of fangirls are flocking to buy it. * State of Beginning Ice Hockey matches ended today, with Eastshield winning over Sub-Antarctic for the fourth year in a row. The score was Easthield-21 Sub-Antarctic-14. =Section F: Fun Stuff!= Comics Poems Secrets, Tips, and Tricks * DID YOU KNOW: ...that Sensei has a Sensei Family? * DID YOU KNOW: ...that the real estate is flourishing? Now is the time to buy or sell your house! =Section G: Classifieds! and Recruit! *It's that time of year again! Join the finests chefs in Antarctica for the next Taste of the South Pole festival! *WHOOT! Need some food for your party? Or how bout' for your workers and students? Maybe even providing homes with it. Well, come and seek Lynn Eh Catering, based in Trans-Antarctica. $6 per person. 10 dishes will be cooked only if there are more than 5 persons. Call 61-891-22 for more details or visit www.lynnehcatering.com.ant for more. *Well, as all of you have seen, May is now. With the middle of winter comes the perpetual night. There's no better time to go on vacation!! The sun may never rise, but that doesn't mean you can't either! Rise above the night and take a vacation! **Dorkugal, Warmslates, Tyrtle Atoll, hundreds of beautiful locations all around the continent beckon for you to come! *Recruiting 5 penguins who have talent in investments and maths. Seek 88-9435-2107 for application.